Not Again...

I can't sleep. I was half asleep and half awake (I could hear some godawful video on MTV) and all of a sudden, my heart started racing like crazy and I felt an insane fear come over me.

Panic attack. I was suddenly terrified of one thing only: what if I miss The Rapture? I've blogged about religion once before; it was pretty much one of my first posts. One of my biggest fears is "what if I'm not really saved?". I've thought about that a lot. It even crossed my mind at the Easter church service on Sunday.

I say that I'm a Christian and that I believe in God and anytime I'm scared or hurting, I immediately pray to God for comfort. But what if I don't genuinely believe that which I profess? How do I know for certain I'll go to Heaven when I die?

I accepted Christ as my Savior as a child; I was probably 7 or 8. However, religion has always scared the heck outta me. I can remember going to church as a small child at a particular Baptist church listening to the preacher talk about hell and being damned for eternity and the end of the world.

I can't explain the fear that came over me upon hearing those particular sermons. It was then that I became a little afraid of religion. I re-dedicated my life to Christ at a church service in Bridgeport a couple of years ago. I still can't help being scared of whether or not I'm a Believer for all the wrong reasons.

It's so hard to explain and at this hour of the night, I probably shouldn't even attempt to try. I'll just pray about it and see if I can go back to sleep...