Je ne sais...

Have you ever had to cut a friend loose? Well, today I did. Okay, I am a really nice person (too nice, actually) and I give people a lot of chances but more than anything, I hate being in one-sided friendships. I mean, I completely understand that people lead busy lives and that I won't hear from my friends on a daily basis and that's okay! However, I DO have a problem when one minute, I'm hearing from friends on a daily basis and then it suddenly gets to where I'm hearing from them when they can fit it into their schedule.

I won't name names but case in point: friend is single for a long time. I hear from friend on a daily basis, sometimes multiple times a day. Even when said friend has no cell phone, I still hear from friend via myspace or email. Friend gets girlfriend and suddenly the tides turn. I hear from friend at random and every attempt I make for friend and girlfriend to meet up with us to hang out is denied. I have specifically invited friend out on at least 4-5 occasions recently and every single time, there's a reason why it just doesn't work out. Coincidence? It makes me wonder and frankly, it irritates me.

You know, I hardly EVER ask anything of anyone. Is it so much to ask for a little respect from people who are "friends"? And people wonder why I have such a hard time with wanting to let new people into my circle or why I have issues with self-worth. Hell, if I continue letting people act as though I'm a convenience, I'm never going to get anywhere. I don't know. Readers, I'm asking for advice. Is cutting out friends like this too extreme? How many times can I give people the benefit of the doubt? How many times can I accept the, "I'm busy" excuse? I hate to use the word excuse but damn. I'm just really, really tired of being the greatest thing since sliced bread one minute and a discarded toy the next.

Hmmm...

Ask me how glad I am it's Friday. This week has totally dragged which is not the norm. More often than not, the days absolutely fly by and I'm left thinking, "damn, it's Friday already?!" So with that in mind, here's what's going on these days.

*Brad's flag football practices start this week--hubby is coaching which automatically makes me Team Mom--this kid is so excited about playing football. I have never seen a child that interested and he's been like that since he was an infant. No lie. This is a kid who, when playing Madden on the PS2, will analyze and study plays for an hour before he decides to put his team in a game situation. At 3 and 4, he would be at football games with us and be
able to identify various aspects of the game (safety, pitch play, jukes, etc.).

*Mom and Dad's 33rd wedding anniversary is Saturday and they're going on a week-long cruise. I'm so glad that they're getting away from it all for awhile! They're finally getting to a point in their lives where they're allowing themselves a few indulgences and it makes me happy that they're doing that. Happy 33rd anniversary!

*Grandma's 72nd birthday is Sunday. God bless this woman! She is so wonderful. She makes me laugh so hard every time I'm around her, her strength and faith in the Lord is so awesome AND she's a survivor of Non-Hodgekins Lymphoma. One of my favorite stories I have of her is this one: Let me preface this by quickly saying that grandma loves the occasional glass of Arbor Mist wine. It's Thanksgiving Day and a bunch of us are sitting around the table getting ready to play cards and she tells my cousin's husband, "There's some infidel wine in the fridge!" Instead of Zinfandel, she said "infidel". Hilarity ensues.

*The State Fair of Texas (i.e. fried food fest)begins today. I haven't been to the Fair since 2003 when I was performing as a back-up singer for King Cone on the Chevy Truck Main Stage. Robert is finally ready to tackle the Fair this year (in previous years he had been too heavy to do any walking but that's a totally different blog post) so we're taking the boys in 2 weeks. I love the Fair. There are so many things to do and so many people to watch. I wonder if my favorite creepy haunted house ride is still around? I used to LOVE that; the exterior always looked so mysterious. New foods this year include: chicken-fried bacon, fried banana splits and Fire & Ice which is some sort of fried pineapple creation. Let the artery clogging begin!

*And finally, my workouts are progressing nicely. I'm lifting 4x a week (working a different muscle group M-Th) and then finishing that off with a 45-min. cardio session. I txt my friend Cody yesterday who's a fellow gym rat and clean eater because I feel like I've been run over by a truck and I'm walking like a zombie. Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up my quest for the body of a figure athlete, but I haven't worked out this hard since I did the Fit & Fem 6-week challenge at Edge this time last year. Damn, it feels good to be back into a great workout routine. I miss Edge dearly but I've taken a lot with me. Progress results will be posted in 4 weeks as opposed to every week.
"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice The Gift." --Pre

The Stats Are In

Okay, so per my last post I said I was going to keep track of my fitness journey. I officially began my workouts yesterday and began my clean eating 9/15. I have lost 4 lbs and here are my stats which will be updated weekly. They made me cringe but hell, posting them here for the entire www to see makes me accountable.
Week 1 stats are as follows:

Height: 5"0" (that will obviously not change)
Weight: 145
Chest: 43.75"
Biceps: 12"
Hips: 37.75"
Waist: 38"
Thighs: 22"
Calves: 14"
Forearms: 9.50"
Shoulders: 45"
Neck: 14"

Some of my new favorite websites are (I visit them daily):
www.bodybuilding.com
www.figureathlete.com
www.oxygenmag.com (well, that one's been a favorite for a long time)
and i like Tosca Reno's blog on the cleaneating.com website which I read daily.

Progress pictures coming soon!

The Quest

In a little over a year, I will turn the big 3-0. At my 10 year reunion I had an epiphany. I don't want to approach my 30s uncomfortable or unhappy with myself. Like most women, I have been unhappy with my body for the greater part of my life. I've never been the blonde little cheerleader type, never been the most "beautiful" by the general populace's standards and I have always felt the sting.

I've made a commitment to myself that over then next year (and couple of months, give or take) that I am really going to focus on ME and the way I want to look. It's not about a diet anymore. It's a lifestyle change that I have thought about and am beginning to embrace. I will track my progress on this blog and I understand that it will not come overnight.

I'm not only imspired by fellow classmates that were at the reunion this weekend but girls at my (former) gym whom I looked up to and took advice from as well. My ultimate goal is to participate in a figure competition much later down the road like Michelle, Misty, Jill and Bridget did. I know it will take a lot of hard work and discipline but I also know I can do it. Tonight when I get home, I'm going to sit down and map out the journey. It's time. I'm ready.

reunion

what can i say? it was everything I thought it would be and then some! Everything went off without a hitch and I wouldn't have missed it for anything. I'm having an issue with my computer so pictures will be posted in another week or so when we go to my parents' house.

this dress eludes me

I have in mind the absolute PERFECT black dress. The problem is this: it exists only in my head. I wish like hell that I could track down my old friend, Servy from high school and have him make one for me. He now has his own line and lives in LA but after he cancelled his myspace, tracking him down has been one huge chore. Anyway, this dress. It's barely above knee-length, has long flowy sleeves that kind of triangle when my arms are straight out, and it has a plunging V-neckline. Don't you hate it when your idea of something perfect only exists in the mind?

3 days to go

My high school reunion weekend starts Friday and I'm so excited! I know I've posted about this before but it's like, actually here now and well, the getting ready is so much fun! Robert and I went shopping for decorations this past weekend since I'm in charge of decorating, I finished centerpieces last night and now all that's left is the superficial stuff--getting my eyebrows waxed, getting a haircut and I want to find a really cute black dress to wear Saturday evening but it's like, WHEN do I have time to go shopping? The answer is: I don't. So... here's to the MHS class of '98; see ya Friday!

NEVER AGAIN

I normally don't like to use the word "never" but I think in this case, it's necessary. I am NEVER drinking rumpleminz (sp?) again!!! That is one potent shot and I woke up out of a dead sleep around 3 am throwing up. The puking continued for 12 hours and I STILL feel like shit. I threw up so much that my stomach started burning and it hurts to eat. Seriously, no liquor is worth that. My poor body!

The Calm

I went running again tonight. The weather has been too perfect not to. I stopped counting after lap 8 so I'm not sure how far I ran but it felt wonderful. I used to hate running track when I was in high school. I did it so I wouldn't fall out of shape for cross country which I loved. I wasn't that great and never claimed to be; I've always run for the love of doing it. I love the solitude of running (I might have inadvertently stolen that sentence from Jessy). I love it that I don't have anyone's expectations to meet but my own. I love that it's the only thing I do that is 100% for no one else but me. But mostly, I love the calm that washes over me while I'm out there. The entire world melts away and it's me, the track and my tunes. I don't worry about anything, and the only thing I care about is the rush I get after knowing that I kicked my own ass and met the challenge.

The "new" 90210

The jury is still out as to my opinion of the revival of my beloved show. I missed the first hour so I'm going to have to go back and watch it next time I have time. Parts of it were totally lame but I liked other parts so... I will have to watch it at least one more time before I can come to a full decision. I was watching some late-night tv gossip show (like Entertainment Tonight or something) and one of the members of the new cast said something incredibly presumptuous like, "We're totally gonna kick the old one's ass." You can only hope for a 10 year run like your predecessor, honey. Steve Sanders, wherefore art thou?!