suggestions?

I'm cutting my hair. Short. I've had short hair since I was a freshman in high school and I love it. I just don't look good with long hair; it's too thick and just doesn't look nice. Some people can rock the long, sleek Pantene hair but I'm sadly not one of those people. I'm ready to go short again (sorry, Robert!) and I'm gonna do it right before we leave for CA. Here's what I'm thinking. Suggestions?

Counting Down

We're leaving for Laguna Beach, CA at the end of July and I am more than ready to get the hell out of dodge. I have been on the go non-stop lately and although I love it, I'm ready for a break. I'm ready to stroll along Main Beach, eat at Javier's, cruise down Pacific Coast Highway...

I'm not a huge fan of the state of California, but we went to Laguna last summer for our "grown-ups-only" vacation and I fell in love with SoCa. Laguna Beach, here I come! And yes, those are both my pictures from last year's trip.

B-O-R-E-D

10 years ago I: just graduated high school.

5 years ago I: was new to living in Decatur and trying to get everyone situated in our new town.

3 years ago I: was a stay-at-home mom.

1 year ago I: was doing really well in real estate.

Yesterday I: went to work and then met my parents, Robert and the boys at Saltgrass for my mom's birthday dinner. Came home and actually went to bed EARLY!

Today I: am running errands, getting laundry done, going to go to work, and meet up with some friends afterwards.

5 snacks I enjoy: 1.) nutrigrain bars 2.) the occasional original Lay's potato chip 3.)strawberries 4.) lowfat cheddar cheese 5.) half a clif bar

5 things I would do with $1 million: 1.) tithe 2.) buy a house 3.) trade in my car 4.) trust funds for the boys 5.) travel

5 places I would love to run away to: 1.) England 2.) Scotland 3.) Ireland 4.) Vienna 5.) Hawai'i

5 TV Shows I like: 1.) TrueLife 2.) Workout 3.) Real Housewives of the OC 4.) American Idol 5.) Frasier

5 things I hate: 1.) that I didn't get to go to Iowa with my mom and the boys 2.) not being able to get enough sleep 3.) going to the bathroom in public 4.) being told what to do 5.) wearing closed-toed shoes in the summer.

5 biggest joys of the moment: 1.) I'm working a lot 2.) being with my boys 3.) it's summer! 4.) getting ready for our "grown-ups-only" vacation 5.) knowing that my 10-year reunion is just around the corner

I love it when...

...the boys and I are all in the car and we have the radio on and I can hear the two most innocent voices in the world singing along together to the songs. It makes me sad that they won't always be that little and that one day they'll probably be embarrassed to sing out loud in front of me but for now, that's the best music i've ever heard.

We're Talkin' Religion, Folks!

I don't really know how to start this blog post, it will probably be long and it might not all make sense but it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately and I really need to get it off my chest. Let me start at the beginning...
Ever since a very young age (5-6) I have been a bit frightened by religion. My earliest memories of church are vivid. When we lived in Dallas, we went to Orchard Hills Baptist Church and I remember every Easter, they would reinact the crucifiction and make a huge production out of it. "Jesus" would be whipped and carry his cross to Golgotha where they would hang him until His final breath. That genuinely scared me. At about the same age, I remember being scared every time we visited my grandma's church, Second Baptist in Mesquite. There was a man in the congregation that scared the living daylights out of me because he had an artificial voicebox. I remember thinking he sounded like a robot and a frog all in one and I would literally panic any time I heard him across the room. It's kinda funny because I see him now and I'm not even phased by his voice.
Then there were those sermons I sat through as a 7 and 8-year-old at First Baptist Highland Village where the preacher pounded the pulpit talking about Hell, Damnation and The End Times. Those things are hard enough to grasp as an adult but when you're an impressionable child, it's even worse. I used to make excuses to go to the bathroom for the sheer fact that it was an escape from everything I didn't want to hear.
Anyway, I was talking to a former co-worker last year about my struggles because I was going through a period of severe panic attacks and anxiety (which I've dealt with since about age 6). I was telling him that I wasn't really sure if I was Saved because I accepted Christ when I was 8 years old and at the time, I had an idea what that meant but I honestly don't really think I FULLY grasped the concept. I explained it in this way: I don't know if I'm really Saved because so many religion-based things scared me as a child and I'm afraid that I accepted Christ out of fear rather than out of genuine love for the Savior. Of course I don't want to spend eternity in Hell but did I accept Christ for the right reasons? How do I know for sure?
I'm not very good at praying. I haven't regulary attended church since my parents moved out of Highland Shores. I just feel like a bad Christian and honestly I don't really feel worthy of calling myself one. Last fall we went to listen to an incredible speaker at a little church out in Bridgeport near our home. At the end of his message, he invited everyone in the congregation to bow their heads and accept Christ for the first time. I remember being so moved by his preaching that I silently prayed his prayer, head bowed and tears streaming down my face. I want to be part of eternity in Heaven but I'm just so scared that I'm accepting the gift of Christ's love for all the wrong reasons.
I will stop this blog here for now. I apologize to any readers if it is confusing. I just don't really know how to put it in words...

It's Only An Illusion

So, I do a lot of singing. A LOT of singing. I've been at it since age 10 and I've said it a million times before: it's the activity I love most in life and as such, singing goes hand-in-hand with performing. As a performer, I get the audience involved. I have to or else I'm just up there for my own benefit and that's NOT why I sing. At oprys and family shows, naturally, I stick with songs that are great for entertaining people of all ages. At karaoke, on the otherhand...

Case in point: last night we're at karaoke in Euless and the night is almost over so I'm singing a total BS fun song, "I Touch Myself" by the Divinlys. I'm not caring about anyone in the room at this point because, whatever. After I sing this song, I had a man come up to me and he was like, "Excuse me. Is that a wedding ring on your finger?" Yes. "And how's that working for you?" I'm definitely not going anywhere. "How often do ya'll come up here? I'd love to watch you sing again." Ugh. People, entertaining is like a second job to me. It's an illusion. It's a show. Sure I might sing about "touching myself" but it's only a song. It doesn't mean I'm going home with someone other than my husband. I might get out and shake my booty to "Pussy Control" by Prince and gyrate the hips a little but c'mon. Really? Not a chance!

my bucket list

The following are a list I’ve compiled of things I hope to accomplish before I kick the bucket. I realize a few of these things are a bit simplistic but I'm pretty easy to please.
-ride a mechanical bull (check)
-attend an Iowa State football game in Ames
-attend a Dallas Mavs game while Dirk is still on the team
-travel to the following places in Europe: England, Poland, Scotland, Germany, Vienna, Denmark, and I want to walk the grounds of Auschwitz
-buy a house
-watch my boys grow into adults with their own families
-have a real wedding
-I want to learn to whistle by sticking my fingers in my mouth (you know, that really loud kind of whistle)
-I want to see Billy Joel and Rod Stewart in concert (they have been favorites of mine since childhood)
-I want to participate in an event that i have to spend long hours training for (triathlon, the 3 day, figure competition, etc.)
-go skinny dipping (I've never done it but it seems so "scandalous")
-I want to go to New England in the fall
-I want to travel to the following places in the US: Nantucket, Cape Cod, Connecticut, Boston, Salem (Mass.), Portland Oregon, and I want to go to Woodstock Vermont in the winter.

Convinced

i went to watch my first figure competition a couple of weekends ago in plano. misty, jill and bridget competed in the lonestar classic and i'm officially hooked! i've been throwing around the idea of competing for awhile now and after going behind the scenes at the lonestar, i'm ready. i know it won't be easy, i know there's a lot of sacrifice involved and a lot of hard work but i want to prove to myself that i can do it. i want to push my body to the ultimate limits (safely, of course) and i want to be up there on that stage. no, i take that back. i'm absolutely going to be on that stage!

Busy, Busy, Busy!

I haven't been blogging lately. I have been on the go non-stop these past few days and every time I think about something I want to blog about, I'm nowhere near a computer. I've had a lot on my mind lately and just been in kind of a bummed out mood. For the most part, I'm my cheery, happy self but at night, I get sad. The latest of my disappointments came in the form of my sister-in-law (and ultimately my brother who isn't even in Texas right now). It's a point of contention that is still too fresh to talk about.

I've been working like crazy and as a matter of fact, will be heading out in about half an hour to tackle that lovely little task called work. My best friend is in Egypt and I miss her. We usually talk every day either through text or email and there have been so many things I've wanted to chat about these past few days.

I really don't have too much to say. Wait. I have a lot to say; I just lack the time to really sit down and put it all out there.

Trust No One...?

I've decided I've had enough of fake people. Maybe people in general. I'd like to believe that I'm a genuinely nice person and when I say things, I mean them. I meet people on a daily basis and that's a huge part of why I like my job. I meet people in a social setting a lot as well but that's a little different and that's where I've decided the buck stops. I've begun taking every, "we should hang out!" with a grain of salt. If you don't really mean it, then for God's sake, don't say it! Trust me, I'm not desperate for friends and just waiting in vain for someone to call me up so we can go out for drinks, but Jeeze, don't tell me how cool I am when, in the back of your mind you're thinking, "Oh man, why did I say we would hang out?!" The older I get, the more keen my bullshit detector is.