I'm talking about food. I love eating. I hate eating. I have gained back the 30+ lbs I lost three years ago when my husband had
lapband surgery. I have always had an unhealthy love/hate relationship with food. I love to eat but then I immediately regret doing so and I angrily think to myself, "Did you really need to go there?" It was so easy to drop the pounds three years ago. We had a gym membership and we worked out together. Now, even though I'm motivated every time I look in the mirror, it's not enough to make me want to head outside for a run. I know what needs to be done, my problem is doing it. Don't we all do that in some way or another with something? And really, what is it that's holding me back? Why do I refuse to do it in the first place? Is it a subconscious fear that I have yet to identify? I don't know.
I just know that I
hate food. I hate that I love it. When I eat, (in my mind) I feel my face getting fatter and rounder. I literally feel my chin expanding below. Sometimes I'll compensate by doing sets of lunges and squats after I eat even if it's in a restaurant bathroom stall. Or wall push ups. Sometimes all three. I don't really know why I'm putting this all out in cyberspace. Am I crazy? Yea, maybe. All I want is to feel good about myself just one day of my life. Authentically good.
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2 comments:
If asking, one of life's greatest gifts is good homemade food and some fast food, every now and then. LOL. But don't let it expand your chin. Although I doubt very seriously if that's anywhere near the case. LOL.
There is so much I can say on this but I'll keep it short. Don't hate food. It's alright to love it. Maybe you're hating your abuse of it and letting it give you comfort. So much easier said than done to go out for a run but each day just do it. Force yourself and you'll feel good afterwards. If it's a huge problem maybe talk with someone.
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