We're Talkin' Religion, Folks!

I don't really know how to start this blog post, it will probably be long and it might not all make sense but it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately and I really need to get it off my chest. Let me start at the beginning...
Ever since a very young age (5-6) I have been a bit frightened by religion. My earliest memories of church are vivid. When we lived in Dallas, we went to Orchard Hills Baptist Church and I remember every Easter, they would reinact the crucifiction and make a huge production out of it. "Jesus" would be whipped and carry his cross to Golgotha where they would hang him until His final breath. That genuinely scared me. At about the same age, I remember being scared every time we visited my grandma's church, Second Baptist in Mesquite. There was a man in the congregation that scared the living daylights out of me because he had an artificial voicebox. I remember thinking he sounded like a robot and a frog all in one and I would literally panic any time I heard him across the room. It's kinda funny because I see him now and I'm not even phased by his voice.
Then there were those sermons I sat through as a 7 and 8-year-old at First Baptist Highland Village where the preacher pounded the pulpit talking about Hell, Damnation and The End Times. Those things are hard enough to grasp as an adult but when you're an impressionable child, it's even worse. I used to make excuses to go to the bathroom for the sheer fact that it was an escape from everything I didn't want to hear.
Anyway, I was talking to a former co-worker last year about my struggles because I was going through a period of severe panic attacks and anxiety (which I've dealt with since about age 6). I was telling him that I wasn't really sure if I was Saved because I accepted Christ when I was 8 years old and at the time, I had an idea what that meant but I honestly don't really think I FULLY grasped the concept. I explained it in this way: I don't know if I'm really Saved because so many religion-based things scared me as a child and I'm afraid that I accepted Christ out of fear rather than out of genuine love for the Savior. Of course I don't want to spend eternity in Hell but did I accept Christ for the right reasons? How do I know for sure?
I'm not very good at praying. I haven't regulary attended church since my parents moved out of Highland Shores. I just feel like a bad Christian and honestly I don't really feel worthy of calling myself one. Last fall we went to listen to an incredible speaker at a little church out in Bridgeport near our home. At the end of his message, he invited everyone in the congregation to bow their heads and accept Christ for the first time. I remember being so moved by his preaching that I silently prayed his prayer, head bowed and tears streaming down my face. I want to be part of eternity in Heaven but I'm just so scared that I'm accepting the gift of Christ's love for all the wrong reasons.
I will stop this blog here for now. I apologize to any readers if it is confusing. I just don't really know how to put it in words...